The Minx Effect

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posted by Jennie @ 12:22 AM 0 comments

This Blog has Moved

This blog has now Moved. You will be automatically redirected to the new site in seconds. if this redirect does not work please go to http://www.blogcharm.com/jennie

- Please update your links and thankyou for reading my blog!

posted by Jennie @ 2:17 PM 0 comments

Site feed updates again

I have moved my feeds from feeddigest to feedburner because it has better features and feed formatting. I will be doing some modifications to the feeds themselves but the addresses will stay the same. they are better addresses too. Autodiscover and the links on my new blogs have been updated. I will also soon update this blog to redirect to my new one. you have been warned!!

Dont forget to update your links to my new blogs on blogcharm!

posted by Jennie @ 6:14 PM 0 comments

New Blog Update

I have created new RSS feeds through feedigest. They now auto discover and support both atom and rss. the link to the other feed is still available on each page as well. The dates will be a little screwed as all of the posts have just been added to the feeds but they will update properly after this.

New Blog addresses again:
http://blogcharm.com/jennie
http://blogcharm.com/nightmare
http://blogcharm.com/sca

posted by Jennie @ 7:37 PM 1 comments

Well!

After my rant I did feel a lot better, thankyou to all those wonderful people who emailled me to let me know I had their support, it makes me feel good inside to know I have such good friends.

I have been busy this past week and a bit. I have been busy not dwelling on things for a start. when I am depressed for any reason I bury myself in work. I have been pretty bad due to another fall so I have been tking out my busymakingness on my computer. and canvasses, and show applications, and the SCA and blogging.

Blogging you ask? but this is your first blog post in donkeys yonks...

yes. yes it is.. here...

but the lovely people at Blogexplosion have started up a new free blogging community.
BlogCharm has several things to recommend it:

* It is in BETA so I can talk to them about improvements for Mac users. (blogger has very few options for a mac user like me) and they are listening.
* Having only just started I can get the URLs I want
* They have really nice templates that are better written, more compliant with W3C and easier to edit and customize.
* They have categories and trackbacks, friends, file management and link management.
* They have a really nice network and community feel, I like the 'friends' idea particularly.
* There is a good support system, forums and a willingness to listen to users
And finally
* When they launch in March they will be paying their users.
Oh yes, you heard it right. the user benefits from advertising sold, page views, posting and many other benefits. It goes to Paypal.

There are some downsides.. Such as little mac support now (like the WYSIWYG interface being..well..not..) and not having integration with API or Flickr- but A few people have made the suggestions and I think they will be heard.

Basically I think Blogcharm currently has a lot of the features I like from Blogger and Live Journal but it is better set up than blogger and prettier than LJ (sorry Guys!)

So. I will be Phasing out this blog and taking everything across to my new BC blogs. Yes I have a few. I have decided to start writing about some of the things I have been thinking of for ages that would work well in a blog setting (and seeing I will get dosh for it I saw no reason not to!)Therefore I have my art blog, My dream blog and my SCA blog There maybe a standard personal one at some stage too but we shall see.

A summary:
The art blog is what this one started out being. It is a place for art news, my work, WIPs and musings on the art industry. The address is http://blogcharm.com/jennie it is also syndicated on my website.

My dream blog is something of a social experiment. I am writing up my freaky ass dreams and hoping to find some pattern. I am inviting anyone and everyone to comment on the dreams and write up their ideas on what they might mean or similar dreams and such. The address for that is: http://blogcharm.com/nightmare

The SCA blog is a documentation diary, garb diary etc for my garb and for Liam's. as a Chinese persona is quite rare and there isn't much good information out there I am hoping to provide a bit of a resource. plus its a good place for me to keep my ideas straight for him! The address is:http://blogcharm.com/sca

See what I mean by the URLs? :-P Anyway, another long post, sorry about that.

posted by Jennie @ 7:26 PM 3 comments

Betrayed

This is a hard post for me to write but I need the cathartic release. I have been simmering on this for quite a while now and I need to get it out or I will burst. At the moment, as you all know, I am embroiled in legal battles with the TAC, I am facing a permanent disability, I am in constant unremitting agony and I may never be able to have children. I am incapable of sitting, using stairs or walking or standing for very long. Sometimes the pain is so bad that I faint. I cant sleep, I often cant eat and frequently I cant even think through all the pain. My doctors are trying everything they can but the very nature of my condition is unresponsive making treatment very difficult.

Despite all this, I have managed to start studying from home, I have started on my way to what I hope is a promising art career and I am pulling my life back together. I am gathering independence with the aid of tools and I am learning to live my life and appreciate everything I have. A lot of people have helped me and I feel so lucky to have such wonderful friends, a loving and supportive husband and a fantastic dad. I have the best doctors - they are friends and seeing them is almost like a social visit - I feel good when I see my doctors because I know I am in great hands and I know they are trying their hardest. My support network is strong and I feel fantastic when I can see my friends and have a laugh at it all.

Unfortunately there is something acidic in my support network. I am being attacked on two fronts. One is a member of my family and the other is a person I have always counted as a friend.

Apparently I deserve all of this, I deserve everything the TAC is doing to me. Apparently I am a bad person for not wanting to go stir crazy locked up at home. I will answer the two people directly here.

Person 1 says that there are many people worse off than me and that I could get better if I wanted to. That it is a permanent disability because I say it is. That even if it is permanent I should hurry up and learn how to be independent- that lots of other people don't have the support I do and they don't have husbands. They say that I need to let Liam have a full time career rather than wanting him here with me and if I can't get out of bed without help then I will just have to lie there. If I cant get off the toilet then I should just wait until he gets home. If I faint and end up on the floor. I should just wait.

I understand there are people more disabled than I am. I grew up with people with disabilities and I am a lot more understanding than you are. I fully appreciate that not everyone has a husband to help them - but I bet they wouldn't say no if constant support was offered. Many of the people you are thinking about have had years if not their whole lives to get used to their disabilities and help to learn to use the correct tools and be equipped with what they need. I have had 18 months and at least a year of that we were still thinking it could come good. It is a permanent injury because my doctors say it is. We are all hopeful that that won't be the case. I am proud of the fact that I have recovered so much independence. I can do some chores now and I take pride in them because I can do them. I can get up an down a lot of the time and I have systems in place for almost everything now. I have my reacher and my dressing stick and I am moving into my new life quite well. I work quite hard at it.

I would love Liam to be able to go back to full time work. I want him to have a career he will feel fulfilled in. I have chosen a career I know makes me very happy and I want him to feel the same joy. However, I don't want to be a prisoner in my bed and my body because its bad for his career to help me. And he doesn't want that either. Once, I couldn't call him when I needed to and the results were worse for both of us and caused a much longer recovery time as a result. The hours Liam works are the ones sanctioned by my doctors. They don't want me alone more than that. Despite this, we are working towards independence. Its hard work but the reward is worth it. It just takes time.

Person number 1 also believes that I could get better if I wanted to, that I am stupid for even thinking about an art career and that I am enormously fat. They also said that if they had a disabled child they would have had it aborted.

Most importantly - I WANT to get better!! My god, a life without pain would be the best. A life with less pain would be paradise. I am trying every sort of therapy and following my doctors suggestions rigorously. I am doing everything in my power to get better. Just because I don't want to follow your suggestion doesn't mean I don't want to get better. I have talked to my Doctors about it and they don't think it would do anything and it could make it worse. That is a specialized treatment that it not recommended for my condition.

If I could be better tomorrow I would leap at the chance. However, I still wouldn't return to my old job. My Psych said that it was killing me slowly and I have known peace since I left. My job and career choice have nothing to do with my disability. The soul searching forced on my through this incident forced me to think clearer and work out my goals but I would have arrived at this decision eventually, even if the accident had never happened. This is who I am and who I am supposed to be. If I was better, I could just work even more on it - that's all. Get over it. Painting is one of the few times I feel free. I feel connected and most of all I feel as though I am doing the Right Thing.

As for my weight - you are bigger than me. I have lost 4 inches since the accident off my waist and hips. I am a comfortable size 10 which is considered by most of the normal world to be quite slim. I am only going to lose more because chronic pain and my pills make me not hungry. Pain burns more calories too. Don't blame me because you hate yourself. I am sick of you dragging me down. I have several eating disorders because of you and some of my ancillary problems now are due to those. I keep trying to get a healthier body image and it is very hard to do with you making things worse. You should be proud of what I have accomplished - not changing the goalposts.

I am not perfect. I never was. Being a size 6 doesn't make you perfect. Having all your mobility doesn't make you perfect. There is no such thing as perfect but there is such a thing as unconditional love and as a family member you are supposed to feel that for me as I do for you. I should have known that being a crippled size 10 artist wasn't enough to make you love me.

Person 2 says that as I go to the occasional party and make an attempt at socializing that there is nothing actually wrong with me. This person is quite happy to extemporize at length on the nature of my condition and how I am such a faker.

I have several injuries in my neck and back. I have nerve damage that is preventing treatment of them. It is a documented problem called Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy and is very difficult to treat. It is a permanent disability brought on by trauma that affects the nerves. It has completely wheelchair bound people and has quite a high suicide rate. Basically the nerves are acting as though the injury is acute - causing enormous inflammation, heat and pain - both generalized and local. The swelling causes treatments for the actual injuries underneath to not take effect. In effect and in every way I am locked into the acute period that should only last for a couple of weeks. This is hell on earth.

I am housebound. I cannot go out without assistance and I get very isolated at times. As this is likely to be permanent I want to try to regain my life as much as possible. I like going to parties. I like seeing people. These days, I try to make my cane look cute and I get quite drunk quite quickly to ward off the pain. If I want to dance (and by dance I mean shuffle a little) then I need extreme amounts of alcohol and painkillers.

Party preparation used to mean a luxurious bath and taking time to make sure everything is just so. These days, party preparation means lying down all day and most of the day before. It means taking liberal amounts of painkillers in advance and usually bringing some with me. It means that my husband has to help me shower and shave because I cant bend more than a couple of inches. Afterwards, I need to rest. For days. After new years it was over two weeks before I was back to my usual pain levels and mobility. Despite this, I am going to try to attend more parties this year. I am going to do more SCA and I am going to try to reclaim who I was. This does not make me a bad person.

Both people would probably take this post as my overreacting. Melodramatic sympathy gathering and morose misreading of what they have said. Of course they never meant me harm. How could I think such a thing? They are so sweet and innocent. If they believe that then they are betraying themselves too. I have been hurt deeply by people I thought cared. Whether it was intended or unintentional callous cruelty doesn't matter. The fact is that I have done nothing to either of you to warrant such treatment and neither of you have the right.

This is as confrontational as I get unless I lose my temper (which I am close to doing - I can't even look at the people in question, see their names or hear their voices without rage building inside me). I have no idea whether they are going to read this. I don't really care. Blame it all on the pain if you must. Try to write it off as a misunderstanding. I know better and you know better.

I just needed to get this out and off my chest - thankyou for your patience.

posted by Jennie @ 12:28 AM 3 comments

WIP - untitled

This is Very Much a WIP - I have only started blocking. the shapes in this one are fascinating and are quite similar to how I have been feeling. the Palette is similar to Warm Light and hopefully it should have a really nice feel when I am done.

I have been very slack when it comes to sizes and now I have to run around and measure everything again - they will go on my site when I am done. So, with this painting I have started a new trend of writing the size on the back for easy reference! lest see if this lasts. anyway, its 60x90 cm. most of my works are large these days.

posted by Jennie @ 5:34 PM 0 comments

Vaulted

Finished! Finally. this was a very complicated work in the end. the texture is very high and the entire painting was completed with Palette knife I used a particularly small one. I am quite happy with it - it is dark and brooding. The suggestion of the hands and face turned out quite well in the end.

The photo is appalling, my current black has a very high sheen to it and I have to varnish it before i can take a proper photo so you cant get in really close to the detail unfortunately. The texture and the shifting tones are what make this piece- not the detail itself.

I have started on another piece and will submit my WIP photo soon.

I have received another HD on my latest folio but I am worried about the next assignments, they may end up bringing my grade down. My tutor particularly liked my portraiture work - and my critiques!

posted by Jennie @ 3:34 PM 0 comments

1 year on..

Hey! I've been blogging for a year! a whole year. Its been great, it gives me a lot to focus on and encourages me to strive with my art. pushing the boundaries and pushing myself even more. and yes, I do think the boundaries are going to push back on that last one! Just because art isn't pretty doesn't mean it's not art. I wanted a slap in the face piece and thats what I did. so there. I have had a lot of great feedback on this blog and I am really enjoying writing and creating for it. I also enjoy looking back over my posts and my thoughts on different works - I look up techniques I used and comments I have received - it makes a great resource for me too!

Cheers, everyone and thanks for reading.

posted by Jennie @ 11:54 PM 1 comments

Guess my mood when I painted this...

This is my ugliest painting yet.

I am not kidding. I think its hideous. but its ugly in a good way. its pretty obvious what its about and its pretty obvious where it came from. (although the Marilyn Mansonesque look is completely accidental) The technique is the same I used with Redhead and it is supposed to be a complete contrast between freedom and self confidence and the cycle of self hatred and abuse that anorexia can cause. it is a pretty obvious comparison really and frankly I think this painting lacks in subtlety but I wanted to hammer the reality in. she is not happy, she is still looking for the excess fat she knows is there - she can see it in the mirror - the fat mocks her.

I have had title ideas while I was painting it but they are all gone now - just tired I guess.

I want to explore EDs more but it will be more subtle than this. I planned this in my head and it is almost exactly what I pictured. thats right, I intended this ugly ugly painting. I have some other ideas for some paintings that will be more attractive and will fit in with some of my other works. I just needed to do this one.

I also need to think about my assignments. there is a lot to think about before I even get started.

posted by Jennie @ 11:53 PM 3 comments

playing around

..I am going to stop playing with my gallery soon I promise! It is pretty much the way the way I want it now.. The bounding issues have been resolved - it now fits inside the design. I like the square thumbnails and the css styles, the buttons are better too. the slideshow works and all of the images are arranged with newer uploads first. I am still not sure about the multiple pages - it is a toss up between lots of thumbnails or multiple pages. I don't know what the better option is. I also intend to add in sizes and possibly prices - I haven't decided yet.

posted by Jennie @ 10:04 PM 1 comments

WIP - Blue man

I have progressed further with this work - correcting the anatomy and enhancing the features. I have also removed a lot of the mud in the colors. There is still probably one more session on this work but I need it to crust again, it is too wet to work properly anymore and for the highlights and low lights to be strong enough. I am happy with the way it is progressing - I think it will be cool when it is done.

As usual you can click on the picture to get a bigger version (in Flickr) This is quite a large painting so some of the detail and texture will be less apparent in the photo. My studio gets the best light for photographing and my new easel makes it easy to move it to the best location but texture is harder to capture when wet as light reflects oddly off some of it. when it is dry and varnished it will come up much better in photos - of course when it is finished dry and varnished it will look better anyway !

I am planning some other works and might get to do some more work today. I hope so.

posted by Jennie @ 5:28 PM 1 comments

Black Jesus revisited

I had to do a little more on this one before I submitted it. Now I am happier - not perfectly but within the scope of the assignment I think This is much better.

I widened the color palette and brought down some of the lighter tones and heightened the darker ones. I also redid the shadowing on the right of her face and her lips. I feel that this is a much better piece now and a more obvious extrapolation.

I have sent my folio off so tomorrow I have the day to myself to do my own work. I am looking forward to this immensely. I also want to tidy up my gallery just a little more - The Thumbnails look much better squared off- Now I just want to constrain the proportions of the whole thing.

posted by Jennie @ 11:59 PM 1 comments

Spaces in between

My last assignment for this folio! the topic was spaces between things. so the subject isn't the subject only the space is the subject - get me? I chose a stack of my paintings against a wall with the light from my vertical blinds streaming in. it was quite a fast work but its still effective. I only used the side of the charcoal, no lines at all-Just creating the spaces with tone alone. heh that rhymes.

I am worried about my next folio as over half of it involves several works set in one site (as in, not in the studio, or the backyard). it will involve plein air work, Installations, earthworks, collections and other activities that tend to involve a fully mobile and able body. I am stressing out a fair bit I have to admit. I have sent an email to my tutor, hopefully we can work something out.

I have made up my presentation now I just need to scan in my visual diary and set up that presentation. it takes a bit longer to do as I need to discuss and explain each work but that is tomorrows task.
I have started using flickr again for my photo hosting and this is using their blogging software. it looks pretty not bad.

posted by Jennie @ 11:21 PM 0 comments

Updated again :)

I have updated my website again. changed the gallery and added a news headlines feature to the gallery part. Official news will go up there. The gallery now matches my site and looks much better. I am going to try and update it weekly with new images. Check it out!

posted by Jennie @ 11:02 PM 2 comments

Assignmenting

Figure Focus


Background focus

I am quite happy with my 1.5 hour studies, they are not bad. I think I captured Liam quite well and did some of my better hair and fabric studies. the assignment was to work 1 hour 29 minutes on the figure and 1 min on background and the reverse it. I quite like them. it causes you to think about what is important to include.


Top/bottom


Near/far

I am not so happy with my near/far and top/bottom still lifes. The painting technique is pretty bad. I glued three mini canvasses on a board and wrapped the painting around the canvasses and the main one onto the board. if that makes sense. I had to integrate near, far and mid distance into the one work. then do the same with top, bottom and middle. they are cute but pretty sloppy. The canvasses are about 2 in square and the bigger one about 2x4 I guess.

Now I have spaces in between to do and finalizing my movement shot.

Tomorrow I will do my 9 small time based pieces. then it will be ready to hand in. well, once I work the presentation anyway!

posted by Jennie @ 6:19 PM 1 comments

intoduction to my Granny

My Granny sent me this email:
Darling, your painting are fantastic, thanks for sending them they are so real and you bviously know what to do Magic thanks, keep it up and you,ll be famous ...
All my love to you happy New Year
granny

Now, many people would think that this is some doting elderly dowager with nothing better to do than pander to her granddaughter. This is not my granny.

My Granny is an artist. her sculptures in bronze are famous and her paintings are amazing. Granny, quite simply, is the reason I am who I am today. She made me want to create art. as simple as that.

As I child I would draw pictures of the horses on their farm. I would take my pictures to her and she would tell me, quite plainly, that they were crap. terrible. awful. and this was why. and she would tell me about musculature, and the shapes they made, the interrelation of forms that went into the creation of a horse. this was when I was around 5.

I would spend weeks with her sculpting and drawing.

When I was about 13 she began to award me a 'good' or a 'better' and I was so happy! I showed her my first pastel painting and she said it was good! (my mother still has it, its a rabbit) By 15 and 16 when I was doing full traditional oil portraits she gave me 'excellent' s and couldn't wait to see what I did next. She still gave me constructive criticism and I learned from her tips. My goal became to make my Granny Proud of me and my work. I never resented her or her encouragement or criticism because I knew that every word helped me down the path to becoming a good artist.

Her net connection now is slow so I sent her some prints of my works for Christmas. Her praise means more to me than anything because I know that I have earned it.

Thanks Gran!

posted by Jennie @ 12:33 AM 0 comments